I'm a teenager. I'm raised in the hearing world. I do sometimes wish I could be hearing like the others. (Don't get me wrong, I know it was a hard decision for my parents and I'm extremely glad they took this route with the CI)

I'm with my friends laughing, then I suddenly miss something vital to the conversation. It all goes downhill so quickly that I just pull away from the crowd and lurk on the outside. Because of this always happening, I'm not very social anymore. I'd rather resort to the internet than my friends.

I don't feel 100% Deaf. Because I don't feel fully accepted into the deaf culture and I doubt that I ever will... considering the fact I have a CI and a good percentage of the deaf culture despise them.
I always forget that I'm deaf and pretend that I'm a normal hearing teenager. But when it comes to people and socializing there's a war going on in my head.

Just walk away.
But I want to talk to him, he looks like a decent guy.
No, you won't understand a word he says.
But...
Don't make a fool of yourself.


I feel like I'm stuck in between two worlds. A saying I know most of you are familiar with. I am more accepted into the hearing world though. So in the hearing world I am.

Lack of posts + end of crew season = ?
Why is it that crew inspires me to blog? To expose my day to the whole world? Why is it only crew? Is it just my rant blog? Well I guess I could just resort to a diary? Am I just seeking attention?

I don't like this blog anymore. I wanted it to become something to inspire others but it became my rant diary.
I don't like it.

I'm going to an away camp in 2 weeks for deaf teenagers. I'm excited/nervous. I have many hopes in what this camp will do for me... but few expectations makes room for less disappointment.